The next week I didn’t struggle with fidgeting nearly as much. When I was in a work meeting and was speaking, my hands remained mostly still. It felt good to communicate without looking or feeling as awkward as I used to when speaking to someone who is just a work acquaintance. I remember feeling a sense of accomplishment that I had already made some (albeit small) progress.

However, that week I noticed I was getting frustrated at my hobbies to the point I didn’t want to do them. My frustration was something I was very familiar with since when I was a kid I would get frustrated all the time. I would get really angry at the thing I was working on to the point I would pull myself away to calm down. One amusing instance of my frustration is one my family still pokes fun at me for to this day. I was really struggling with a math problem and my mom was helping my older sister with her homework, so I was on my own. So for some reason, I put my head against the floor and started spinning around and counting out loud.

And for some reason, it worked. The spinning while counting seemed to work. It made my family laugh and it made me laugh, calming me enough to solve the problem and continue my homework.

Although my frustration would help sometimes, other times it wasn’t ideal. I didn’t always have the time to go back and calm down, or I’d have other parts (that I didn’t know at the time) pushing me to continue to just get it done. So, I’d just end up being angry and in a bad mood, leading me to fail at accomplishing anything, which would only make me more frustrated (but in a very stressful way).

I let Ryan know this, and he asked if that frustration was where I wanted to start. I said yes and he guided me in a meditation to do a scan of my body to find where the part might be.

Ryan: Can you tell me what you feel?

Me: I feel something on the top of my head. Sort of like a tingly, numb feeling.

Ryan: Great. Try to focus on that feeling.

When he said this, I pictured myself going inward and traveling to the feeling by walking to it through a hallway with several doors. I eventually came upon the door I felt was the one the part was in. When I opened the door a tan young man with red hair and a collared shirt appeared.

Ryan: Are you with the part?

Me: Yes.

Ryan: How do you notice him?

Me: I still feel that sensation, but I also see him. He has red hair and is wearing a collared shirt.

Ryan: How do you feel toward him?

This time, I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. I wasn’t sure how to feel toward this part or what I should be feeling. The first few sessions, I was vaguely familiar with a part before so I would feel thankful for the role the part played, but now I was with a part that negatively affected my mood, and I didn’t understand why so I struggled to have positive feelings toward him. The positive feelings show I am in Self and not “blended” with another part that dislikes the part I am trying to work with.

Me: I don’t really feel anything toward him right now.

Ryan: Okay, that’s probably another part. Shift your focus to this other part for now since we should address his concerns before moving forward.

Me: Okay. I’m with him now. He’s familiar to me, he’s the pushy part that we met with two sessions ago. He’s dressed in an old The Flash costume but appears to be on the younger side.

Ryan: Ask him what his concern is about meeting with this frustrated part.

Me: He said he doesn’t like the frustrated part. He slows me down and pulls me away when I’m trying to work. This part doesn’t like being stopped when I have the time to do things. He likes real progress when I’m working, so this frustrated part just stops me from making that progress.

Ryan: It sounds like he has some valid concerns, so let’s try to address them. First off, thank him for coming forward and letting us know his concerns. It’s really helpful when we’re doing this work. Next, ask him what his job is in your system.

Me: He said his job is to push me and keep me going forward to achieve my goals. He pushes me to write and continue on when I’m not feeling up to it or to work to solve a problem I’m facing until it’s complete.

Ryan: That makes sense and is a very important job. I know how important writing is to you. Ask him how successful he is in keeping you on task.

Me: He said the Frustrated part is very overbearing, and he usually isn’t successful. Sometimes he is, but I will get even more frustrated eventually and stop what I’m doing. He wishes I was able to focus better on difficult tasks and just do it. He doesn’t like setbacks.

Ryan: Okay. Ask him if he knows what our intention is with the Frustrated part.

Me: He said he doesn’t.

Ryan: Can you let him know we’re here to talk with the Frustrated part and want to help him?

Me: He was a bit surprised and didn’t know that was possible.

Ryan: It’s definitely possible. Ask him what it would be like if he didn’t have to keep the Frustrated part in check all the time.

Me: He said it would be nice.

Ryan: Let him know we can do that, we just need his permission.

Me: He’s okay with it.

Ryan: Okay, we only have a few minutes so we could only just make contact for today. Just make sure he doesn’t have anything else he wants to share with us.

At that point, I shifted my focus back to the tingly feeling I felt at the top of my head. We introduced ourselves to the Frustrated part and ended the session. I think Ryan could tell I was a bit down at the lack of progress we made, but, as usual, he assured me things were going well and was a bit surprised I was already having a lot of success with IFS therapy so quickly.

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Going into this session I was aware of the Frustrated part I wanted to meet. However, I wasn’t aware I had a part that pushed me to keep going even if I was getting frustrated. Thinking back, it makes sense since I remember there being a struggle between pulling away from work that was frustrated versus staying and putting my head down to finish something.