The week after Session 4, I struggled to focus on my work. I remember being pulled away from a from the novel I was working on at the time multiple times in addition to getting really frustrated with a game I was playing. The timeline means it was likely my blind run of maddening on Fire Emblem Engage. I’m not positive on that, but I do remember it being maddening since I wasn’t optimized because I went in for a blind playthrough.

I do remember being pulled away by my frustration and then coming back and figuring out the right way to move forward with the game or my novel, but the time lost away from those hobbies did upset me (the feeling came from a part I’d meet with later on down the line).

My frustration during that time took the form of getting increasingly angry. I tried the same thing over and over, trying to come up with increasingly complex solutions but continued to hit the same brick wall. I’d curse and yell (or if there were others around, curse under my breath in anger) or pound my desk with my fists. Though it did pull me away and I was able to come back with a fresh perspective, it was an unhealthy way to deal with the stress of struggling with a problem.

After telling Ryan this, we decided to revisit my frustrated part as promised.

Ryan: Find the frustration in or around your body.

Me: I feel it on the top of my head like last time, a sort of numb, tingly feeling. I also see him as I did last time.

As I said in Session 4, he is tall, lean, has red hair, and wore a white collared shirt. He also looked like an anime character instead of a real person, which is a common trend for me. A few of my other parts look like anime or cartoon characters.

Ryan: Great. Try to focus on that feeling. How close are you to him?

Me: A little farther than conversational distance, I think.

Ryan: How do you feel towards him?

Just noting here it took me several seconds to recognize my feelings. Sometimes that happens where you don’t have the positive feelings right away. Just in case you try IFS, it’s totally normal and not worth rushing. It’s important to be honest, even if your other parts are pushing you to make the best of every second.

Me: I feel thankful for him. He pulled me away from some difficult things this week, and when I came back I was able to overcome the things I was struggling with.

Ryan: That’s great. Send him all that thanks and let me know how he responds.

Me: He seems really happy to be appreciated. He always feels disliked by me and my parts.

Ryan: That’s great, really send all of that gratitude his way. *Pause* Now, can you ask this part about himself, ask him what he does and how long has he been doing this for.

Me: He said he pulls me away from difficult challenges so I can come back and solve them. He gets me really mad to the point I don’t want to do it anymore. He said he’s been doing it since I was very young, around 7 or 8.

Ryan: Wow he’s been doing this for a very long time, and clearly has taken on a difficult job that has helped you.

Me: That’s right.

Ryan: Ask him how old he thinks you are.

Me: He said about 13.

This definitely surprised me.

Ryan: Can you tell him how old you are now? You can do this by just telling him or you can also show him some memories of growing up.

Me: He seems surprised but happy that I’m where I’m at.

Ryan: That’s really wonderful. Ask him if he likes what he does.

Me: He said he likes helping me solve problems but doesn’t like that he has to make me angry to do it.

Ryan: Tell him we can help him take on a role he’d prefer, we just need his permission.

Me: He said he’d really like that, but he does have some concerns over the fast part that pushes me to continue forward. He’s worried that the fast part will try to push me too hard if he dials back on making me frustrated.

Ryan: That’s a valid concern right? As we’ve found out, if you try to push through a difficult challenge, you struggle to overcome it. Let him know next session we can work him and the Fast part and come to a compromise that will work for both of them. Does that sound all right?

Me: He said he’d be willing to try.

Ryan: That’s great. He doesn’t have to believe it’s possible, but we just need his permission and willingness to try. Tell him thank you for trusting us, I know I really appreciate him.

Me: Me too.

Ryan: Once that feels complete, you can come back to the outside and focus back on your surroundings.

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After that, we had a small discussion on how that felt and how we would address the part in the next session. The plan was to create a round table and work with the parts that were fighting with each other.

I will get to that session soon, but I also might have another type of content I want to try regarding characters in media. I have a lot going on in my life right now, but I do want to get more consistent with this blog to a point where I can at least post weekly.